Old Things New Things 3/24/07

Super Gape

I asked, “Doogie, is that the flying monkey we were looking at from Greeley Ponds Slide?” as we were driving up Route 16 on our way to the telefest at Bretton Woods, which elicited this response; “just because I’m flat and defined doesn’t mean I’m a map.” I can’t think of a funnier way to have started MITOC Gaper Day 07!

When we arrived at the base lodge Chicks Rip Too, Doogie and I met up with Ernesto, Toma, Jose, Juan and Jane, who, to our delight, had already suited up in their gaper (retro) uniforms.

So you maybe asking yourself what has compelled me to write about skiing lift service and the answer is two fold; it was gaper day and I tried to telemark for the first time. The you might ask what is so important about gaper day? Well let me try to enlighten you by telling you what everyone was wearing:

Doogie – neon blue windbreaker style pants, a neon yellow long sleeve shirt, ‘Big Teal’ his teal windbreaker and the ugliest multi colored hat which is about foot tall.

Toma – jeans a green lumber jack shirt and red suspenders

Chicks Rip Too – hot red windbreaker and purple pants

Jose – jeans, an orange button up, a jacket tied around his waste and an orange wool hat that is vintage 1980.

Juan – a neon green jacket

Ernesto – was working for the group putting on the festival and therefore couldn’t where anything fun but when he came to ride with us he went shirtless.
eewwww
Jane – was not privy to our plans to gape (yeah it’s a verb; for real, I’m not kidding), but totally embodied the virtues and values of a gaper.

Me – wool knee high socks, corduroy knickers, a green sweater and a wool red and white hat that had emperor, yes emperor penguins dancing so beautifully that those chickens from “Happy Feet” came to my Dad’s hat for lessons!
I was the only one who also skied like a gaper (poorly)

(Sadly we took so much video that we don’t have picks of everyone)

So after we demo-ed our gear a few of us thought it would be a good idea to take advantage of the free lessons that the tele fest was providing. I showed up to the “crossover” lesson that was designed for alpine skiers trying to tele for the first time, having taken one run and fake-a-marking (making alpine turns on tele skis – this is like driving a triptronic car) the whole way down I was ready for some instruction. However, while getting in line with my group, I saw Toma, Jose, Jane and Doogie not taking lessons and in their beautiful gaper gear, at which point I decided lessons are for suckas and I was going to go have fun with the crew and possibly but probably not learn how to tele. I waited for my instructor and told her I was taking off with the group of gapers behind me (she must have thought I took the short bus to the tele fest). Jose, leading the way with a good 3” gap (this is the trademark gaper gap that can be seen on any Texan in Colorado wearing their goggles low and their hat high) dropped into the gaper tuck (butt up poles up head down) and the rest of us followed.

The tele hippies I was skiing with where nice enough to give me some advice and I was happy not to be in a lesson (illogical stigma). I was getting by, keeping up and even dropping rocks/bald grass sections of trail on the new gear as the whole crew made a ton of noise so that everyone else on the hill would notice our group.

Chicks Rip Too was the only one smart enough to take advantage of the free lessons and when they were done I had the false sense that I was making real tele turns and was stoked to show off. “Fake-a-marking!!” was the groups general response to my turns but more importantly the whole crew was together and we were ready to really put on a show.

The show began with another flying V (a move we've been working on since Greeley Pond) with our shirtless friend, Ernesto in the vanguard. A congo-line followed and the rest of the day was more of the same, just a little less organized.
So Bright!
At one point we had stopped to pickup new demo’s (I picked up the Rossingnol Sick Bird!!!! KAW-KAW) and I saw Doogie standing in the middle of a crowd playing gaper to a T. he was starring into space looking for the rest of us when I yelled “GAPER!” Doogie turned around and said “I’m so bright I can find me not you!” The hilarity is not over continue to read.
Ernesto turning after sending Little Tucks


I didn’t name Ernesto after a hurricane for nothing; he skies fast and he’s violent. Let’s start at the beginning;
Ernesto was working the demo tent and saw me, “get out of here you gaper” as he smacked me across the face trying to rip off my sweet hat. After fitting me for my first pair of teles ever, he thought he would push me over the front of them, just so I knew the feeling but did not succeed.

After I had gotten somewhat comfortable on the free heel sticks I started fake-a-marking switch (backwards) and this really opened me up for an all out attack from the hurricane, once again I ended up on my feet, ha!

Doogie on the other hand was not nearly as lucky because when Ernesto pairs up with his nemesis (me) nothing can stop him and Doogie ended up kissing his ski tips after a full on attack from the two of us!

I have written about the epic skiing that Tuckerman’s Ravine holds but I have neglected, up until this point, to mention that Bretton Woods is the home of ‘Little Tucks’. This run is a huge joke but because gaper day is a huge joke let’s talk about it. This cute little run has a cute little cliff band at the top and then nothing but to focus on the glory that can only be achieved on gaper day by a group of glory hounds, Jose, Ernesto and I decided to duck a rope and drop some rock! Ok they were a lot more like pebbles but with the crowd we had watching us these things may as well have been 50 footers! I dropped first and landed my second cliff on teles but decided that was good enough and didn’t bother to make tele turns. Ernesto came off next and made some nice turns on the way out and so did Jose. Jose seemed to be energized by this drop and spent the rest of the day hoping over any dirt patch, rock or tree he could find!
Jose is a bad name for such a good skier; I'll fix that - later

As the day went on and I began to feel more and more like I wouldn’t figure out how to actually make a tele turn, Jane and Chicks Rip Too decided to drop some knowledge on me about how to bend my knees which I feel was the key to making the few real tele turns that I did make. I’m not claiming to be able to make tele turns but I did feel what was right by the end and yes, to answer your question, I’m hooked!

Gaperisms

“Look” pointing
“ooooooooooo” pointing
“wow’ pointing
“How long have you been skiing?” (any answer is fine) “Well, I just started on Saturday and now I’m skiing blues!” pointing
“oo gosh I can’t see my goggle are all fogged up.” Wiping the goggles, on the wrong side and pointing
“wanna race?” pointing



pointing



(If you want to see more go to the MITOC site click on 'trip reports' and then click on the 'gaping at spring fling tele festival' link - funny stuff)